“You Won’t Want To Know What It Means” Synopsis: A bizarre series of sudden disappearances on the streets of New York City seems to point toward something unsavory living in the sewers.

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Calamity Brains:

C.H.U.D. is an entertaining piece of ’80s nonsense. Though a little slow at times, I was generally pleased by the movie. It follows the good horror rule of thumb of not showing the monsters in their entirety too soon. Characters are fairly well developed and distinct from each other. There is peril from the human element as well as from the monsters themselves.

The thing about C.H.U.D. though is that despite it following some good horror rules, it never really feels like a horror movie. Instead, C.H.U.D.’s tone is more on par with a mature family movie. That’s mainly due to the number of scenes focused on interpersonal relationships (and often interpersonal relationships that aren’t yet affected by the mutants). Though those sometimes slow down the movie, they also provide a much more intimate connection to the characters.

Christopher Curry is excellent as a detective trying to solve the mysterious disappearances even as he struggles with his own loss. My favorite character, though, was scammer-turned-preacher AJ (Daniel Stern) looking out for the homeless. His depth and passion were a great counterpoint to the fairly silly plot, and by the end of C.H.U.D. I was way more interested in seeing Bosch and AJ do a buddy movie than I was in the mutants themselves.

Despite its uneven approach to horror, C.H.U.D. has enough of a cult status that that alone means it’s worth a watch. But you’ll probably something you enjoy about it – it’s such a varied movie that there’s content for all types. Bring a beer or a friend to get maximum enjoyment out of the flick, though; it definitely has its slow moments.

Calamity Brains’ Rating: B-
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