Hatchet III (2013) Review: Bloody Satisfying Conclusion

“Some Legends Never Die”

Synopsis: A search and recovery team heads into the haunted swamp to pick up the pieces, and Marybeth learns the secret to ending the voodoo curse that has left Victor Crowley haunting and terrorizing Honey Island Swamp for decades.

Hatchet III (2013) Review Poster
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Calamity Brains:

“This isn’t Casper the Friendly Ghost.”
“How do you know?”
“Because Casper doesn’t tear you apart with his bare hands.”

Hatchet III is the weakest entry in the original trilogy. It’s still a lot of fun, but most of the murders in the previous two installments were already fairly creative (and gory), meaning there wasn’t a great deal this movie could do to top them. Instead, Hatchet III goes for sheer numbers and speed. While this means you could probably do a drinking game based on kills alone (though we don’t recommend it), it also means the movie can’t sustain the same level of tension as the previous two.

This installment picks up with Marybeth (Danielle Harris) taking down Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder) at the end of the second night/second movie. After demolishing his head, she takes his scalp and makes her way into town to the police station, presumably to report the murders. However, a girl covered in blood and holding a scalp goes over about as well as you’d expect, and she’s locked up while New Orleans’ finest (lead by Zach Galligan as the Sheriff) head out to Honey Island to investigate. The police and first responders (including Parry Shen as yet another character) are butchered, naturally, as are their reinforcements. Meanwhile, gutsy reporter/police ex-wife Amanda (Caroline Williams) convinces a deputy to bring along the captive Marybeth on a hunt for the one thing that she believes can take down Victor Crowley’s ghost and save the men on his island.

I always enjoy the upfront way Adam Green‘s series deals with the slasher genre: it’s brutal, gross, and totally effective. The Hatchet movies embrace the ridiculousness of the stereotypes, and I love it. In the case of Hatchet III, this means that I enjoyed all of the islands scenes pretty thoroughly. But Marybeth’s storyline with blogger Amanda was kind of slow, and didn’t capture my attention as thoroughly. It was mainly a lot of arguing and cursing, and as much as I enjoy Danielle Harris in her final girl role, I’m not overly interested in other aspects of her character. Add in that I found Amanda’s character rather annoying, and it made for a dull storyline.

Thankfully, the end of the movie takes place on Honey Island, in a showdown against Crowley in all his brutal efficiency. I loved Marybeth staring him down, and the fall out at the end.

All in all, it was a satisfying way to wrap up the trilogy. Although I enjoyed the first installment best (hard to go wrong with boobs and a little extra tension), I liked the Hatchet movies all the way through.

Calamity Brains’ Rating: C
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Calamity Brains

The Codex Mortis Horror Hosts (Ludwig von Stroodle and Calamity Brains) are married and live in West Virginia. Pretty much everyone who sees their cabin agrees that it would be an ideal setting for a horror movie. Their pets include a black widow spider, a smart dog, and a stupid dog. When they aren’t watching horror movies, they can be found at whiskey festivals, Renaissance fairs, and board game nights.

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