Synopsis: Lucinda Regis, Director of Development at MALCO Oceanic Research, becomes the target of a dangerous killer after unraveling a sinister plot to inject sharks with human DNA.

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Calamity Brains:

Woof.

Guys, I watch a lot of bad horror movies for you. (Okay, it’s a little for me, too.) And Land Shark is definitely bad. This is one movie that’s practically begging for the MST3K treatment, if only to fill the endless gaps between brief moments of hilarity.

Though in another movie the laughable effects and lazy props would be a lot of fun, Land Shark is just too slow. The acting is all painfully bad – beyond wooden, even. Think sixth graders trying to fulfill an English credit. There’s no logic to the plot (not that I was expecting any). And the filmmakers take all establishing shots and inter-scene actions to the extreme; the movie even drags within the first five minutes. Add in a major lack of babes and extremely limited action, and Land Shark becomes a hard sell.

There is one glorious part to this whole fiasco: the sharks. Though they aren’t visible often enough to save the movie from ignominy or make it worth watching to laugh at, they are deliciously laughable. Behold this beauty:

I wish the rest of the movie was this funny. But sadly, with the sharks only making an appearance towards the end of the movie, the other lazy effects just aren’t enough to keep even an eager (or drunken) viewer’s attention. Skip this one, guys.

Calamity Brains’ Rating: D-
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