“Bigger, Faster, Hungrier” Synopsis: A genetically created Anaconda, cut in half, regenerates itself into two aggressive giant snakes, due to the Blood Orchid.

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Calamity Brains:

This thoroughly mediocre addition to an already less-than-stellar franchise is entirely forgettable. Acting and CGI are generally poor; the plot ranges from “makes no sense” to “science weeps”; I’m not entirely sure the filmmakers have ever seen a snake before. Outside of John Rhys-Davies‘ presence, there’s really nothing worthy of note here.

As with the other films in this franchise, there are killer snakes rampaging for mostly indecipherable reasons, and a number of hapless victims caught in their wake. There are a couple of dead bodies, some fairly banal chase scenes, and some bad guys of the human variety to round things out. Nothing is really surprising here; if you’ve seen one of these movies, you’ve seen them all.

The one or two mildly entertaining moments were nowhere near enough to carry the film (though they were appreciated). I found one of the female actresses horribly annoying (Ana Ularu), but she did a surprisingly good job with some impromptu surgery and redeemed herself. Um. John Rhys-Davies was there. I really don’t have much else I can say to support this cinematic snooze-fest.

Unless you’re having a snake creature feature marathon (and possibly even if you are), you can feel safe giving this one a pass. It’s not horrible to have on as background during a party, maybe, but not worth your full attention.

Calamity Brains’ Rating: D-
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